One third of a year

I just did a hand count and it's been almost four months since the last post. I know I get busy, but I have to ask myself if I'm actually so busy that I can't reflect on life at least once every four months.

A long, long time ago I had a blog, before they were called blogs, and although it was anonymous, I posted so many details that everyone I knew found about it, read it, and laughed behind my back. It was especially mortifying because the boy I had a huge crush on, and who I wrote many an emotional post about, also found out. I later had a talk with a friend who also had a blog, and he said he thought it was sort of brave of me to put it all out there, that he felt he had to filter a lot out. I think he was just trying to be nice.

Right now I could just spill and spill and spill, because that's when I really need to write, when there's a lot to spill; too much going on in the head. But I guess I'm just choosing to filter, which leads to four month breaks. Because when I filter all the really personal stuff out, there's not much left. Finishing up my Ph.D., but I'm not sure what fulfillment I would get out of writing all those details down. Not going to too many shows. I have been getting some new music, thanks to a few Amoeba trips.

Trying to figure out what the hell to do after my school life is over, while trying to pretend that it's not a huge decision that is going to involve a lot of emotional issues for me. Hah! I've always been a student, it's practically who I am. Once that is taken away... it's kind of like looking over a large chasm right now.

B and I will be going up to San Francisco this weekend, which should be nice. I love San Francisco. I really love going to Aquarius Records, and Amoeba. And San Francisco always leaves me feeling content. I would like to live there if it didn't cost $2398723498734 to live there.

Listening: Sunny Day Real Estate - Rising Tide, and Tarentel - From Bone To Satellite